Someone Owes You Money and Won't Pay

A friend, a family member or a small client owes you money and has stopped answering — or keeps promising "next week". The money matters, but so does the relationship, and the order you handle it in decides whether you get either. Start friendly and private, get firmer in writing, and only go formal when the friendly route has clearly failed.

Step 1 — Check your own records before you chase anyone

Before the first message, gather the facts so the conversation is about a number, not a feeling:

• The exact amount, what it was for, and the date you lent it or did the work.
• Anything in writing — messages, bank transfers, receipts, an agreement, even a casual "I'll pay you back Friday" text.
• What was actually agreed: a date, an amount per week, or nothing at all.

If the loan was entirely verbal with no record, you can still ask — but be honest with yourself that your leverage is the relationship, not a document. Whatever you find, do not inflate the amount in your head with interest or "what it cost me" unless that was agreed; a precise, fair figure is far easier for the other person to pay.

Step 2 — Ask once, kindly and specifically

Send one clear, private message — not a group chat, not a public comment. Name the amount, the date, and a simple ask: "Could you pay the $300 from March by Friday, or tell me what works?" Assume good faith first: people avoid debts out of embarrassment or chaos as often as dishonesty, and a graceful way back gets you paid faster than an accusation. Offer a plan if the full amount is genuinely hard for them — two or three dated instalments, written down, beats another vague promise. Get the reply in writing, even if it is just a text saying "yes, $150 on the 1st and $150 on the 15th".

Step 3 — Follow up in writing when the promise slips

If the date passes with no payment and no message, follow up once more — still calm, but now firmer and fully in writing. Restate the amount, the original date, the promise they made, and a new deadline, usually 7 to 14 days. Something like: "You agreed to pay $150 by the 1st and it hasn't arrived. Please pay by the 15th, or let me know a date you can commit to." From here on, keep every message: dates, amounts, promises and silences are your evidence if this ever goes further. Do not threaten anything you are not prepared to do — empty threats just teach the other person to ignore you.

Step 4 — Send a formal written demand

If informal chasing has failed, a formal letter changes the tone completely — it gets shown to partners, parents or advisers, and it proves you are serious. Include the amount, what it was for, the dates, the promises made and broken, a firm payment deadline, and what happens next if it is missed. Keep it factual and free of insults; a letter that reads like a court document gets paid, a letter that reads like a grudge gets ignored. Send it in a way you can prove it arrived — email with a read receipt, or recorded delivery for a paper letter.

Step 5 — Know your options if they still won't pay

For smaller sums, small claims court is designed exactly for this — it is usually inexpensive, generally manageable without a lawyer, and a filed claim alone often produces payment before any hearing. Mediation is the cheaper, relationship-saving alternative where one exists in your area. A collection agency is usually only worth it on larger amounts, since they take a percentage. Before any of these, weigh the real cost: the filing fee, your time, and what the relationship is worth to you. Sometimes the honest answer is to write off a small amount and never lend to that person again — but make that a decision, not a drift.

General information only, not legal advice — small-claims limits, deadlines and procedures vary by state and country, and family loans have their own complications. For a large amount, a short consultation with a local attorney is worth it before you file anything.